Posted in All Posts, Bipolar Diaries, Poems, Uncategorized

One More Angel To Fly…

Your wings had grew

You were ready to fly

After your death

You took to the sky

 

We may be confused

May not understand

If we’d realised you hurt

We could have held your hand

 

But your up there now

Looking down at as all

Keeping watch

Finally standing tall

 

There’s no one to blame

Not you and not I

You did what you had to

One more angel to fly

 

Heaven is blessed

To have you there

We will meet again

Someday, somewhere x

 

This is a short poem I wrote in December 2015 after the funeral of a friend who tragically took her own life.

Posted in All Posts, Bipolar Diaries, Poems

Lost & Found…

I was going to write a blog today about my day back in London. It started hellish, everything I remembered about it still existed. Up until the point below, it would have been an extremely negative read. On the flip side of this, I did have a moment of acknowledgment to myself that since leaving London I have come on leaps and bounds mental health wise. 

So what changed my mind about writing up this mornings negative view of the world and the people in it?

Well it was one lady really, one lady who displayed a random act of kindness. 

You know I like jotting down a poem or two, so here’s one for that wonderful lady who quite literally made my day…

So today I’ve been in London

Where nothing’s going well

Bad hotel, bad commute 

And I lost my phone as well

I tried to control my emotion

As I’ve tried here years before

But I simply cannot deny the fact

My lost phone was the last straw

It could be in the hotel

Or maybe on the train 

Stressed and quite emotional

I tried to rack my brain

I got on with my day

What more could I do?

When this meetings finished

I’ll try and think it through

When a colleague sat beside me,

Got a random call

From another colleague at the office

To say Liam, give Jackie a call

It rang and rang, she answered

I said it’s Liam, is that Jackie?

And too my sheer surprise 

Great news she had for me

Jackie had sat down

Where I had sat before

When on the seat she noticed

An unattended iPhone 4

She took the phone with her

And off to work she went

Unable to unlock it

Despite several attempts

An email soon appeared

And Jackie took a look

Quickly turning to google

She looked the company up

A number for head office 

Jackie quickly dialled the phone

She explained the situation 

Desperate to return it to its home

We met up at St Paul’s

Both filled with delight

She said be more careful

As I held my phone real tight

So thank you to Jackie

For your help and honesty

Not just for the phone, but

restoring my faith in humanity

Jackie words cannot explain the gratitude I have for you efforts today. Many thanks and best wishes, Liam x

Posted in All Posts, Bipolar Diaries, Poems, Uncategorized

Book After Life…

If each page represented

A day in the book of our lives

Then today would be a tough one

Because on this page I died

 

Turning the page to tomorrow

Is hard for you to do

But leaving your bookmark on this page

Would mean the end for you

 

As the page turns

You may shed a tear

But today is a new page

Just one without me here

 

You’ll six more pages

Which now makes a week

Your still trying to make sense of it

As tears roll down your cheek

 

The story will continue

As you turn 360 more

A year has now moved on

From the page that we first saw

 

Each of those many pages

Of which you read through

Had many written anniversaries

Important to me and you

 

You read your way through each of them

Not an easy thing to do

But your still reading now

The first year, you made it through

 

You may never forgive me

For leaving you too soon

But trust me when I say this

It was down to me not you

 

I had no other option

To escape the way I felt

I took my life with my own hands

A tough hand you were dealt

 

I’m sorry to have done this

To cause you so much sorrow

I don’t expect forgiveness

I just couldn’t face tomorrow

 

If you read my book before this

Perhaps you’d understand

The way that it was written

You’d know that this was planned

 

For many days I scribbled

Each page with so much stress

It didn’t change the way I felt

Each page was such a mess

 

If it wasn’t for this illness

Taking over me

Perhaps I’d find another way

To take control, be free

 

Your now on a brand new chapter

And whilst you won’t forget

Each page that you now turn

The easier it gets

 

I will always be there

Turn back and take a peek

My love is clearly written

Even though I’m now at peace

 

One day you’ll read your last page

Your book is now complete

I’ll be waiting for you

That’s when we will next meet

 

Until then, know I love you

From the bottom of my heart

You’ll be with me always

Never truly apart x

This is a poem, the first of many, that I wrote 23rd October 2015. One year to the day, that I attempted to take my own life. It was written for the loved ones left behind.

I didn’t share the poem until the December of the same year when an old school friend of mine tragically took her own life, leaving behind two beautiful children and a devastated family. Now the poem may upset some, may anger others. However I hope that it may even bring comfort to a few.

This is a very personal experience that I haven’t shared publicly until now. We need to talk more about the taboo topic of suicide in order to make a difference to those who feel so desperately low, that they can think of only one way out.

If you support the need to challenge mind-sets and educate ignorance in order to reduce Mental Health stigma, then please share.

Thank you, Liam x